Well I may as well get on the bandwagon and talk about change. As an eighteen year old who has recently finished high school and been accepted to Uni, I guess change is inevitable. But the kind of change I expected isn’t exactly the change I got, or have witnessed.
I mean, a lot of it was predictable, friends changing in order to impress, but returning to their former selves, when not under performance pressure. This is what was referred to often, as the Jekyll and Hyde experience. Other changed however were unexpected and unwelcome. The withdrawal of a person I once considered a close friend shocked and hurt me, though they don’t seem to know this. Being treated as if I don’t matter and or had no relevance is not a way to stay a friend of mine. Once trust and respect is lost, it’s hard to get back. It’s not possible to waltz back into someone’s life after being gone for so long, and expect everything to be the same. Maybe I have changed, I probably have but, not so much that I am unrecognisable.
When people seem so far away, there is usually a reason for it. It my case, maybe I seem so far away because I have been pushed to that place, and am too scared and unsure to move any closer. Will it happen again? I don’t know if I can stand to be hurt again, I’m too fragile and unwilling. Friendships take work, from both parties concerned. Outside influences cannot be helped, and are inevitable, but you would think the friendship would have been strong enough in the first place. Obviously not. And for this I am sorry. It gets me thinking, was there something else I could have done. But I can’t come up with anything. I was pushed out of the picture, and that’s where I have stayed. Maybe I don’t know the entirety of your story, you obviously don’t know mine. Maybe we should talk, maybe that’s too hard.

Other change can be good however, and in light of this, I have become closer to some wonderful people. Purple Ronnie, I love u! Thank you for making my life fun, and allowing me to let go of all the shit that surrounds me, and for the ‘capsule’ time.

Righto, I wasnt going to actually post this, but I guess I will, and deal with the consequences...or delete it before anyone reads it....

“You always pick the best times
To drop the worst lines
Well this time I’m not going to watch myself die
I think I made it a game to play your game
I buried myself alive on the inside
So I could shut you out
And let you go away for a long time

I guess its ok I puked the day away
I guess its better you trapped yourself in your own way
And if you want me back
You’re gonna have to ask
Nicer than that…”